Today is my birthday!

Aaaaaah, today is my birthday. I love my birthday. I love it so much that I have a pre and post-birthday months. So actually my birthday celebration starts February 22nd and goes through April 22nd. I love my birthday to the degree that when I become President, I will make March 22nd a National Holiday...yes with capital letters! And no one...NO ONE else will be allowed to have this day as their birthday.

My husband wants to roll his eyes at the emphasis I put on my birthday but not in front of me, as he actually knows that this would limit HIS own birthdays!

I have always placed everyones birthday on the 22nd of whatever month they were born on so I can remember it. So, let's say your birthday is June 8th....now your bday is June 22nd. Born on September 28th? Nope, it's now September 22nd. Born on August 22nd? You are good...bday August 22nd. Born on March 22nd? I DON'T THINK SO! You can either move it to the 21st or the 23rd, take your pick but unh uh...NOT the 22nd. That is my day, not yours. That is the way it is, sorry.

Birthday parties when I was young consisted of pink bows and delicious homemade cakes, topped off by me throwing fits because I couldn't win all the prizes that were given away for games. Wellllllllllll...it was MY birthday, why aren't all the gifts for me??? My mom put my hair up in a pretty bow, brand new dress, invited every little girl within a five mile radius of our house over to present me with the latest Barbie, telephone key chain, klackers, etc. My grandma Elsie always gave me a $5 dollar bill and a little trinket of some sort. One time my Uncle Bob sent me a really cool doll house that had all these separate rooms with tiny themes in each one. There were the three bears room, hmmmm....that is the only ones I can remember now. Anyway, it was huge and it rocked! I still have the little bears in my trinket box.

Now, for the interesting birthday parties as an adult....

Years ago my sister Kris had a brilliant idea! "Let's have a kids birthday party for you Kelley"!!! Great idea! Bravo Kris! It will rock!! As some of you who have attended my birthday parties, you might not want to read this.

Here is my disclaimer:

I, Kelley Robinson, will not be responsible for any therapy sessions for PTSD , bed wetting, drug addictions, suicidal thoughts, etc caused by reading the following sections.

Let's start at the beginning, the "Alien Party".

The Alien party was great! Kris had tied little plastic, glow in the dark aliens to helium balloons. By the end of the evening, the aliens had traveled into the bathroom and were all hovering over the toilet. Upon arrival, each guest was given a roll of aluminum foil to build a hat out of. Of course this was to be worn as "protection" from the mother ship. Oh my goodness, Pat spent half the evening constructing his hat and Sue...ah, Sue actually wore hers home because she thought it was cool (she was fearful she would get pulled over by the police and have to explain the hat...I told her not to call me, I would say I had never heard of her). She wore that hat for the next week in the privacy of her own home. Sue, you are priceless! On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the best...this party was a 428, nope no decimal 428, it was great!!! Ever heard the saying "stop while you are ahead"? Read on...

I think the "Artist" party was next.

As peeps walked in the door, the rec'd a nice gift of a French artist tam along with Kris penciling on a mustache on your face. Oh, oui oui! Each party participant rec'd a few 3" by 3" tiles, paint, brushes, etc. They were to paint on these tiles and Kris would kiln them, baking the paint on, and then make a table out of them to celebrate my 40th birthday. Well, we still have the tiles, that was 8 years ago and the table is still...I don't where. Party scale...I rated it 5.

Next party, the "It's All About Me".

The invites, the plates, the cups, the everything! had my picture on it. I had a cape, a crown, a thrown. It was all about me. At all of my adult bday parties, each guest was asked to bring me a $1 gift...no more, no less. One year I got this cool thing that I put in my mouth and it glowed...it was cool. This year everyone brought their gifts as usual but upon arrival they each got a gift and told not to open them. After cake and ice cream I turned the All About Me party over to Sue (who had said for years that she had never had a birthday party). I gave her my crown, cape, etc and it turned into HER birthday party (her bday was in January)! I had gone out and bought enough gifts (handed out randomly as guests walked in) so that each person gave Sue a birthday gift! Among the silly putty, Pez candy dispensers, etc, was a red boa bra. One of my guests named Myron had taken Sue out a few times and Sue was kind of freaked out because Myron had drove by her house a few times...she thought he was stalking her! Anyway, we all started giving Sue her gifts and low and behold Myron was the one who ended up with the red boa bra....it was a scream! Of course Sue thought that Myron had picked out that gift and that just added to her paranoia. I explained later and she found a smidgen of humor in it. Party rating, I had to give it a 6.9, the 6 for the bra misunderstanding.....0.9 for the actual party.

Next..."Bunko Party"

Holy cow...what a disaster. If it were .000000000001 worse, I would honestly have to say that I would rather attend cock fighting or a baby seal clubbing event. No one knew how to play Bunko so we just ended up hurling the dice at each other and well....it was ugly. Party rating....0.0. It was ugly I tell ya.

Last one...."Barbie Party"

Yep, sounded like a good idea...but wasn't. A week before the party we mailed everyone a dollar tree "barbie" as their invite. They were suppose to decorate it, bring it back to the party and they would be judged on creativity and could win prizes. Can you say DISASTER??? All party participants looked as though they were about to open a vein after about 3 minutes. The highlight of that party was when the neighbors house caught on fire and that gave everyone an excuse to leave so they would not be overcome by the fumes...even though the house was about 3 miles away from the farm house. On their departing gift goody bags we lined them with a piece of paper...an opt out. For $20 (to be given to the Humane Society for donation) they could pay and be promised they would not be invited nor feel obligated that they had to come to another one of my stinky parties again for the next 10 years. I have never seen checks being filled out so fast in my life!!!! Party rating....-2.8. Yep minus 2.8. The only reason I didn't go lower was because there were fire trucks.

So anyway, there you have it. My birthday is almost over for this year, a few more hours left for me to stew that nobody gave me a nice summer house in the Hamptons. Oh well, I did get some good stuff this year and thanks goes out to my mom for not flushing me down the toilet when I was little...I am sure there were plenty of times she wished she would have!

Kelley the 48 year old.