Change that to NPN

Yes sirree, I have gone from LPN to NPN. We all know that LPN stand for licensed practical nurse, AKA Low Paid Nobody and now for the NPN=No Pay Nobody. Okay, so I dropped out of LPN school because a light bulb went off in my head...AHA! Open a cupcake store! It will be fun! It will be great $$!!! It will be all your dreams come true, all contained in less than 800 square feet in a sea of brown and pink! YEAH! YEAH!!!!

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me start with saying the $$ are not great. I haven't seen a penny...wait that's not true, I did find a dime, permanently stuck to the floor behind the sea of pink and brown. I also saw hundreds of dollars leaving with the plumbers, refrigeration repairmen, insurance company, etc.

But it's all about the fun right? Right. Let me see...the fun. Yeah. I haven't found any "fun" permanently stuck anywhere yet. All I have seen is frustration, frustration, and more frustration. 800 square feet of pink and brown frustration. Ugh.

I hate to make this entry all mean and icky sounding so let's get to the small fragment of fun that YUM has doled out in a very small quantity in the last three months.

STUPID QUESTIONS FROM CUSTOMERS:

#1

"How much are cookies?"

ANSWER: 85 Cents.

"EACH?"

ANSWER: No, no, 85 cents per truck load. They will be delivered to your driveway tomorrow at 8 A.M. Do you own a loader to get them into your kitchen? Or do you need me to provide a back hoe for you?

Stupid Question #2

"Could you please wash this out for me and fill it up with water for my kid? (lady holding baby bottle in front of my face). It's been rolling around in our car for months and it had milk in it and it's all gross."

ANSWER: Hell no.

Stupid Question #3

"Can you please rinse this off? (different day, different lady but kind of the same story) Lady is holding hot dog in front of her...states that her child has dropped it on the floor of the cafe."

ANSWER: Again, hell no.

Seriously???! This isn't your home lady, the five second rule does not apply here... 20,980,983 shoes have walked on that floor out there...why would you even.....oh never mind, I can't even go there.

Stupid Question #4

"I see this sign here says "CASH ONLY", do you not take credit cards?"

ANSWER: Yes, I take credit cards. I could take your # and order from Best Buy all day long if you don't mind but as far as the company goes...no we don't take credit cards. Cash only...of course we might have just put up that sign for fun....who knows?

Stupid Question #5

"Hello? Yes, do you sell cake and candy supplies?"

ANSWER: No, I am sorry, we just sell cakes.

"Well do you sell cinnamon oil, cause I need cinnamon oil for my Christmas candy?"

ANSWER: Yes, miraculously in the last 4 seconds we started selling cake and candy supplies. We didn't before that but I am glad that you stayed on the line because it's your lucky day!...our shipment just arrived!

Stupid Question #6

"Do you have any ketchup? I just went through McDonalds (holding up greasy sack of McNuggets) and they didn't put any in my bag?"

ANSWER: Yes, we do have ketchup.

"Can I have some?"

ANSWER: No. But thanks for bringing in food from another vendor...it does wonders for my business! Maybe next time you come by you could take orders and bring it for all of us! That way I don't have to stand behind this counter making sandwiches for everyone, we could just all order a #1 and satisfy our hunger with a Big Mac! THANKS!

Stupid Question #7

"Do you know why the store across the hall is closed on Mondays?"

ANSWER: Yes, aliens have abducted her but we don't want to alarm the general public so we put that sign up to throw you off.

Stupid Question #8

"Do you deliver cakes?"

ANSWER: I see that you are emailing me from Costa Rico. Ummmmmmmmmm.....

Stupid Question #9

"Are you hiring?"

ANSWER: Okay, this is really not a stupid question...however, screaming it from across the hall after yelling seven times " HEY LADY???" "ARE YOU HIRING?", is a really stupid question. Sure, walk about 20 more yards away and I will fold up the application into a paper airplane and fly it over to you. Fill it out and get it back to me ASAP cause you are just what I am looking for!

Stupid Question #10

"Do you have any drinks without caffeine? I am not supposed to have caffeine because of a test this afternoon at the Dr's office?"

ANWER: Yes, we have Sprite, CF Diet Coke, IBC Root Beer and Orange Crush.

"Oh well, I think I will just take a small coffee"

ANSWER: Okay, I am not going to ask if she wants reg or decaf so I pick up the orange handled coffee pot only to hear.....

"No, don't give me the decaf, I don't like that kind."

ANSWER: Okay. Hope your tests go good! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!


So there you have it. I work about 849 hours per week for a paycheck that is written in disappearing ink and this is the thanks I get. Thanks for letting my kids spill glitter all over your floors, thanks for cleaning up both Sprites that spilled, thanks for providing seating for my kids pizza party brought in from Godfathers before they go to dance class, thanks for letting me cancel my cupcake order the day before I am to pick it up, thanks for...arrrrrggghhhhhh.

I have 11 months left on my lease.