Day 2

Okay, here I am on day 2 of LPN school. I realize that day 2 is probably not an ideal time to start this report but since day 1 was worse...well, I have to start somewhere. At the end of day 1, I was considering becoming an underwater welder.

I am SURE that all of you are wondering what miraculous procedures I learned today. Was it the absolute wonder of childbirth? How about a rousing afternoon of surgical techniques? Perhaps a small, but life saving toe amputation and all the exciting wound care involved with it? Oh heavens no...no siree, my morning was so stimulating that I am not sure of what happened. Maybe it was all the hand washing and........whoa!----hand washing! That was it! We learned how to wash our hands correctly. I am now wondering how I have lived 47 years washing my hands incorrectly? Thank you Lord for the immune system!

In the afternoon I was literally so stimulated by bed making that I thought for sure that I would rush right home and "miter corner" my own sheets! However the wild rush that I got from the afternoon session of "bed baths" wore me down too much to come home to fan fold my sheets. Darn the rush...it's like drinking 4 red bulls at lunch only to come home to warm milk before bed.

Yes, the bed bath, well what else can I say? My dummy patient was a small child missing his left hand. I named him Lefty until I was informed by the teacher that we should never....never....ummmmm...what was the word? Not mock, not tease....hmmmm....not...oh yeah...belittle our clients. By the way it is no longer patients.....CLIENTS. I don't know how I feel about saying "I gave my 10 year old, one handed client a bed bath today". It either sounds kinky or more along the lines of a prostitution??? I am not sure.

What I am sure of prostitutes probably make more money AND their income isn't taxed. Some other benefits would include that LPN's are probably exposed to more diseases vs a few STDS, 12 hour shifts vs one hour shifts, and being yelled at by egomaniac doctors vs being spanked lovingly by the egomaniac doctor and getting a c note tip left on the bedside table instead of a complimentary urine specimen in a cup left for the nurse, not too mention being on your feet all day vs...well I don't need to comment on that comparison.

So you say, why did you pick this vocation? Digging deep into my heart to find the answer to this puzzling question......I have no idea. Ugh. Maybe because it is the only thing I haven't tried?? I have no idea. From Dairy Queen to Vickers Gas Station Attendant to accounting in more than my share of factories, well, I still haven't found where I belong I guess.

L.P.N.= Low Paying Nobody. I have always held this title no matter where I have been employed but now I am dedicating the next 10 months, thousands of dollars, nights of reading fascinating chapters on sebaceous glands and pressure ulcers for what?

I don't know. Stay tuned and maybe I will come up with an answer.

If not, be prepared, you never know what might be next?? Mall cop? Town Crier? How about stray coin collector...you know...walking around looking in telephone booth coin return slots? Do they even have public phones that accept coins anymore? Maybe an official piglatin translator? The possibilities are endless!